When my husband’s mother passed away (2008), my husband paid for the cremation but it was agreed between the 3 brothers that the youngest son, Mike, would keep her physical cremains with him. Mike and his girlfriend moved to Illinois from Florida several years ago. Fast forward to May 18,2021, and Mike overdosed on heroine and passed away. My husband and I have been asking Mikes girlfriend for his mothers ashes for the past year and she is refusing to send them to us, despite my husband telling her he will pay the cost for shipping them to him. Mikes girlfriend never met their mother and had no relationship with her but she believes that God wants mike and his mother next to each other in her apartment. We don’t know what to do to get my husbands mothers ashes back from her and my husband is crushed.
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Could you bribe her with money? I know this isn’t legal advice.
Might even be chaper then a lawyer
NAL
Has she asked for anything in return? Maybe offer her some of your brothers ashes? Just a thought.
she already has the brothers ashes as she said she wants the mother and brother to stay together.
So sorry for Your loss
Many You could ask to have the ashes separated, get a urn and ask if you can have half of Your Mother-in-law’s ashes
that way You both have Her
My dad just died and we put him in 3 urns so that my brothers and I could each have some. Maybe she’d be okay with that?
You have to go to court. Your husband would have the right over the girlfriend to claim the personal property belonging his brother.
Yeah if the brother was never married rightfully so those ashes would belong to his brother.
Take it to probate court, you guys have been nice about it and communicating now its time to show her that if you really wanted to, you could take all of the brothers possessions including his ashes and his mothers ashes. NAL but know how this stuff works if she was not established in the courts perspective as a domesticated partner then it’s easy.
If she is mentally set that she wants their ashes together, I wouldn’t trust that whatever she does send you are actually the mothers ashes.
Maybe let her know that your husband has legal right to his mothers ashes as well as his brothers ashes if they aren’t married. Does she want to give up mom to keep her boyfriend??
Was this just a verbal agreement?
I actually really want to know how this would go if it ended up in court because I have no idea. I don’t even know if ashes are considered human remains like bones are but not teeth when it comes to owning them.
My heart goes out though. I agree on asking to see of the ashes can be split. When my family ‘adopted’ a young adult who unfortunately was hit by a drunk driver. While he went little to no contact with them, they were kind enough to share him in the form of little locket/container necklaces with some of his ashes to split among his close friends and family who asked.
Hate to ask this question but does she still have the ashes?
Good question, she might just be too embarrassed to admit losing them along the way.
Yeah I’d take both ashes from that selfish be-itch lol. That’s sad. SMH. Couldn’t even split them with you what a horrible person.
I’d be taking myself to Illinois and taking little Miss PITA to court.
Nal. Have a lawyer right her a letter stating the legal status of who has rights to the ashes (your husband) and that if you wanted you could sue for mikes and his mother’s remains aswell as all Mike’s belongings. Have it say that you do not want it get the courts involved, but that you will if you have to and you are not just going away.
I feel sympathy for you and hubby, I really do. That said, I call it like I see it. I don’t know if its just because you are posting in a legal forum, but IMHO your post seems way too focused on the legal rights and not focused enough on the emotional needs. Probs, when bf died, she loved him tons. She cares about what Mike (and maybe his mom) would have wanted. Try reaching out to her on the emotional level before the legal level. Write her a handwritten letter asking for the ashes back. And I’d suggest only asking for 1/2.
Not married he has the right to both ashes , file against her or go all the way over there with birth certificate of your husband and the two death certificates of your mom and brother you can get them in the county they died, present yourself with an officer and retrieve them, keep all texts acknowledging she has both and the one where she says she wants to keep both mother and son
Have you considered the possibility that she has them no longer – disposed of them, as cruel as that sounds?