I’m from CA. My husband of almost 10 years wants to file for divorce. I found out he’s been having an affair with a coworker. We have two children (5 years and 9 months old) born in the US. I am from Europe and not a US citizen. I’ve been a stay at home wife and mother since we got married. I depend on him for everything. But I would want to move back to Europe with my children since I have no reason to be in the US anymore. Is that even a possibility if he agrees to that? He says he hasn’t filed for divorce yet. Is it better to wait for him to file or should I file first?
My husband of almost 10 years wants to file for divorce
From what I’ve seen most often, you can’t even move out of state without his approval. If he agrees, you can move but that could negatively impact child support.
I would go home to Europe now, before he starts divorce proceedings. Afterwards you are stuck for sure!! However, you need something signed by him saying it’s ok you are traveling with the kids. Good luck!
If he does not agree, you will not be able to leave with the children. It would be considered kidnapping. A friend of mine left the US for her home country in Europe with 3 children saying she was just going for a visit and never returned with the children. She was never able to step a foot in the US again for fear of being arrested. She never received child support or very little. Luckily she was from a family with money and was helped a lot by her parents.
California is a “No Fault” divorce state so the reason is immaterial to the court. Most parents would not agree to allow their children to leave the country…if he agrees to your sole custody…..which is unusual…there is the matter of support as well. Consult a GOOD divorce lawyer.
It’s not going to matter who files first. But the best interest of the child comes first in custody cases. You’ll be hard pressed to convince a judge that it’s in their best interest to move to a completely different country when they are already established in the US.
NAL. I’d file first. And get a folder. List the people you’ll be with in Europe, your reasons for leaving there (aside from the divorce) and ask each kid individually with knowledge that it’s being recorded (for later if need be ) I think this would have build a solid case as to why you and you alone should be granted custody and able to move. Get a list of the schools and what not. Cater to children. I know you have got to be hurt. But this battle is still going and your babies need you to see it through. Best of luck!
Don’t take the kids To europe. You might not be able to leave until you 2 come to custody agreeeuropeid suggest filling first and take maybe try to take full custody but with you being dependent on him it may not be in your favor
Can’t you say you are leaving to go see family and to let him have some time to “think things over?” He will relish that time alone. Once you get to Europe seek legal advice.
He actually suggested that. He said we should go for the summer and see if things would change for him. I’m just scared that while we’re gone he’s going to plan something to take my children away from me
YOU file based on his affair, and go for full custody and support. Filling first gives yiu a favorable edge.
So you don’t think that the kids staying in America, knowing their father, and being raised by him is a good enough reason to stay in this country?
if she’s not a citizen she can’t
you don’t have to be a citizen to stay in this country. I would assume she at least has a green card. And if she’s undocumented sure she can. I highly doubt if anyone from immigration is knocking on her door.
Stay married for 10 years for SS, survivor benefits- if he makes more money than you have and he dies. In CA though you get Alimony, Spousal Support if he makes more money than you if you were married at least 10 years. NAL
Just a Californian. If you make more money than file before
she don’t work so I’m sure he makes way more
If he will do an agreed divorce that’s faster and cheaper. If you don’t ask for any support from him he more like to agree. However you will need to make a visitation schedule with him unless he agrees he just doesn’t want to be in the kids lives and will sign to it. If he agreed in messages and allowed you to take the kids or you could technically since you are married if they have passports or they have dual citizenship or whatever you can take them without being divorced and file then but there could be an order to order you back. Lots of variables in custody you can always ask for a consultation with an attorney
Oh, if yiu can drag it out to that 10 yr mark before the decree, you might be eligible for divorced spouse soc sec at retirement age, unless you remarry. Not sure how citizenship affects that, however. Might be hard to enforce support if you leave the US
NAL. I think you should either A: file for divorce, citing infidelity, then tell him you plan to leave. Or B: Ask the kids what they want, and if they want to move, then leave without telling him. He cheated without consideration to his family, so his family can leave without consideration to him. It would be an absolute nightmare for him to try and get them back to the U.S. or to fight you using U.S. laws versus another country. I think the kids would do better in another country. This one is shit, and he sounds like a bad example anyway. You can send divorce papers from another country.
If you tell him you plan to leave, then he will try to stop you. All you have to do is get them there. He won’t know where you are, right? Girl, I would leave. He can see the kids on your terms.since he wants to be a bad person. Fuck the U.S. laws. Go to europe and get the help you need.
That’s not kidnapping if she leaves the country and takes the kids? We can’t take the kids out of state without written permission from eachother.
Have 10 yrs into the marriage so you get his Social Security
Years ago when i moved to florida my ex sent me a summons because i had the kids with me
CA is a very tough state for this kind of thing. You better get a lawyer asap.
No advice, but I’m so sorry this is happening to you and if you ever need an ear my inbox is open, we can make fun of them together ♡ and ya know what? Idc what anyone else says, if moving back to your home country is what’s best for you, its what’s best for you.
Is youre husband not american? Because if youve been married to an american citizen for 10 years, youre supposed to get citizenship after like 4 years.
If possible try to drag it over ten years. Then sometimes you can claim half of his SS. Check with SS Admin